Friday, August 03, 2007

i jus wish for u to be happy.
i truly want u to be happy
that is all i desire quite frankly
ur happiness, ur smile
i know im not perfect
n ill nv be
i apologise for my shortcomings
but ur happiness is all i desire
for u mean the world to me
uve been wif me 4 almost my whole life
n the joy in ur heart, tt twinkle in ur eye
is all ill ever crave
fail me not oh mighty force
grant me this one wish n desire
bestow joy n happiness and shine ya light
into the life of someone who deserves it so much more than any1 of us
and who has been devoid of it for a long time now
wisdom, faith, courage, strength and truth can onli be complimented by happiness and pure joy
grant it to her by ur grace for tt is all i'll ever desire.


Posted by shellsofsilence at 1:00 AM

Sunday, July 08, 2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY REKA!!!!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3=)))

i love the fact i have nth to do..haha bumming around is ammazziingg..=)) i get to sleep late, wake up late, go out, meet wif old frens, have nice lunches, try out new recipes, meet new ppl...haha im luving it...=)) to think after 6 mths of working, i wd be bored..hehe well i am but its a gd feeling to have nth to do...i mean it aint gonna last much longer..=(( part of me doesnt want sch to start =((

i saw a shooting start last nite...n it was ammaazzinngg =)))

this post is utterly random but ah well it like 730am n im awake!! omg...haha mayb i shd go to the temple afterall since im up...


Posted by shellsofsilence at 7:15 AM

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

so i havent blogged in a while cos nth significant has happened...haha a sure sign of absolute decomposition taking place due to temporary unemployment...haha but heck it, im loving everrrrryyyy bit of it...

i must say im like FINALLYYY reading a book after god knows how long...(yes big gasps of shocks are required..) well its a gd book, the alchemist by paulo cohelo..and it has really got me thinking...

so maybe the universe does really want to see you succeed, maybe there really are such things as omens and u know ur personal legend can be realised if only you finally figure out what it actually is..

there is jus one thing i dont get. a burning question ive had all this time. maybe its cos im like 18 and still young and slightly hormonal...but u know ive always wondered y is it tt u meet some ppl...how these ppl can affect your lifee soo much in either a positive or negative way and then they jus fade away..i mean i strongly believe they are there to teach me sth..for me to learn sth n grow from the experience but you know for some ppl its hard to find the reason as to y they are there..maybe its best not to question and jus enjoy their company and not to contemplate too much or delve into the matter soo much...but hey its human nature to question the unknown and new...and another thing i will never get is how 2 ppl soooo wrong for each other can be soo right for each other at the same time...ugh another paradox ill never get...detachment! haha detachment is keeeyyy i suppose!!

every1 in life may come and go. but there will always be one person whom i will NEVER forsake and who i will always be there for...=)))




Posted by shellsofsilence at 9:28 PM

Saturday, June 02, 2007

okieee...i LOOOOVVVVEEEEEEEE MY DADDDDYYYYY.....

despite making feel dumb, appa has beeen suppppppeeerrrr suuuuppppeeeerrr nice n great to me. Y i know not. but hey im not complaining. =)

i luv him and i think i hav finally decided NOT to go for camp simply because there are other more important things. ppl at sch wd come and go but daddy will not last foreva. i should do it when it matters and i know deep down it does. so yes, no camp.

on another note, im strangely bored of my unemployment which hasnt even lasted a full week, but im liking it too..=)) ive met most of my frens i haven seen in a long while, shoppped( this is always gd) and slept ( i could practically date my bed for those of you who know me). life seems to have finally slowed down abit. the uncertainty is reduced for abit regarding educational prospects but has sprouted in other areas..hmmm...


I Crave Your Mouth, Your Voice, Your Hair

DON'T GO FAR OFF, NOT EVEN FOR A DAY Don't go far off, not even for a day,
because -- because -- I don't know how to say it:
a day is long and I will be waiting for you,as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour,
because then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,

because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

Pablo Neruda

Yes, once again its my all time favourite poet, Pablo Neruda. Of course this has been translated from Spanish. I love his poetry because its soo heartfelt true and sincere.Its down to earth persona, together with his beautifully expressed toughts leave everlasting images in one's mind and heart.

Sure, it may seem over the top and a little too drama, but hey a little indulgence never killed anyone. Coming to think of it, everyone deep down wants someone else to feel this way of us, even if its too idealistic or utopian and yet, to make one's self feel this way of another is as scary as hell as you are opening yourself up fully, exposing yourself, hence making you so very vunerable; vunerable to rejection, hurt, pain and on the flipside, acceptance and possibly unconditional love.

Hence the role of such a poet, to spark up out innate tendancies, spice it up, so we feel for a moment and there what could be if we were totally irrational and insane, throwing caution to the wind. So, at the end of out little indulgence we can just simply say, ah well, these are but mere words penned on paper. =)


Posted by shellsofsilence at 6:12 PM

Thursday, May 24, 2007

OMG! i cant believe almost 6 months has flown past soo fast!...ive been at st pats for like 1 and a half terms...where do i even start?? it has been the MOST MEMORABLE journey of my life...sure it WAS NOT easy...but i learnt ALOT and you know thinkin back at the end of the day, i am a much better person today simply because i had this experience..

i am still trying to collect my thoughts to give a properly composed entry...but its too hard..i have a rush of emotions going through my head...statisfaction, happiness, and the inevitable nostalgic feeling and partial reluctance of deaprture...like you know how a void would be in your heart

a random 3N1 boy asked me today..."mam, why do you care soo much about 3N2 (the class i teach english to)?" and all i could say was " why should i not care?" because the truth is i care and i dunno y but i jus do..whether or not it is appreciated or i am respected makes no difference to me...its jus me cos care should be given n shown without expectation of anything else in return...=))

i still rmb on my 1st day on th 31st of jan, i was nervous as hell, cos the boys were like all bigger and taller than me..n i had the timetable which said 2e5,2N1,2N2,3N2,2T2...n almost every teacher who saw me was like OMG gd luck man...tt was sooo NOT helping...and didn help that SOME teachers thought i was a shotgun parent problem..tsk tsk well cos it was the breakfast meeting where parents get to meet the teachers...

i rmb all the classes i went into saying " you know we made the previous teacher leave, and dunno how many others cry..what makes you think you can last?" almost every class i went into said they were the worst class ever..but i was like we shall jus see...n you know wad i haven cried IN CLASS AT ALL during my time there...hmmm felt disheartened? yes. felt demoralised? yes. felt like a loser? yes. but it all paid off eventually cos i refused to give up..haha like krys said..ur commitment is jus scary..haha true...so many ppl have asked my y i am still there or like y i cared whether the boys passed or not as it really makes no difference to me...they were and are all right...but the fact was that it mattered. it mattered tt they passed and passed well...mayb tts y i kept tryin...n i hav no regrets what-so-ever =))

i have become a much stronger person. i see problems with a different light. i handle and relate to ppl differently or rather i realise how to cater to their needs effectively..it has been such an enriching experience...and when 3N2 sang their little good-bye song..haha i was touched..i know it sounds silly and dumb but it doesnt take alot to make me smile and yea i was touched..=))
i think at the end of the day im gonna miss them all...ESP THE STAFF! who made me feel sooo welcomed, allowed me to make mistakes and guided me through everything....they made me feel so loved and cared for..haha they are a very nice bunch..=)) gosh im soo thankful right now...

ahhh..i shall miss them all!! =)) thank you! =))


Posted by shellsofsilence at 8:27 PM

Monday, May 21, 2007

im happy that my uni applications are outta the way...like FINALLY!!...am pleased with the outcome...guess all is really taken care off by the man up there if id jus let him FULLY take control...hahah but tt's like soo hard..to hand over sth completely to fate and faith and know that the best will happen but stillll i cant help worryin..cos you know there is still that degree of choice in our lives that alters predetermined fate to a certain extent...

i must say his plan is weird..n hmmm while i am insecure abt LOADS of things...i must say that the 1st few mths of this yr cdn hav been better...ive tried new things..been affirmed...been cared for...been encouraged..been validated...felt tt adreneline cloud 9 rush..ALL of which override all the other unpleasant times inbetween...really its all a matter of perspective..

so i approach yet another crossroad...n im never alone even if it may not b visibly so....things will work out the way they were meant to work out..i have no regrets...never had any and dun intend to..guess tts wad plain simply honestly does 4 u...plain simple honesty to urself n others tt is..


Posted by shellsofsilence at 5:44 PM

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Im finally a haaaappppyyy rellaazzzeeedd girl...all thanks toVERNIE and her wondeful spontaneity and GREAT company and idea to go to MOS yest!hahaha

it was fun n im tired out cos SOME ppl had to wake up at 9am today leaving me feelin bad if i slept over like the pig i am..=P but yup tired but sorta recharged..haha in like a weird ironical sorta way..=P ahhh yes..gotta thank her loads anyway..once again it was jus the two of us and yet another perfect girls' night out!! wheeeeee...=)))

next time we shall plan in advance n not decide at 9pm! hahah n SLEEP in the next day till noon..=P tho it was the partly the randomness n spontaneity tt made it soo fun..=))heeee

n i din bring ANY damn markin home..hahah which means im STILLL "FREE"!! heheheh


Posted by shellsofsilence at 9:34 PM