Tuesday, April 18, 2006

you know sometimes i feel that perhaps such a thing like God doesnt exsit anymore. i mean deep down i how he does, but what i cant get my head around is the fact that why he cant answer what i have so many a times asked n wished for. its not like i want happiness for myself cos i know there are times when life just plain sucks. but y Y Y?? cant he just grant happiness to the person i asked it 4?? YYYY??? i mean as if having a major illness n coping with it day in day out is not bad enough you have to go give her new problems like things wif a toe or unhealed cuts that lead to gangreen n wad not. like what sorta sadistic humour is that to your so called grand desgin. cant things at home ever be peaceful and normal. like a normal happy family. y is it always one problem after another one issue after another? im numb to most of the stuff...all except when it affects her. cant you just be nice and cut her some slack? is it not gd enough there is already no cure for it, that you have to create problems like all the stuff i said and new medicine that im my opinion just cause her more pain treating her alomst like a freaking test subject. its plain not fair. cant i share and take like 3/4 of whatever sadistic stuff you have to hand out. cos ill gladly take it n prevail thru it. YYYYYYY??? i sound ungrateful i know but i dunno i just cant just stand by watch it all n remain silent n keep wishing. there is a limit to that all afterall. it breaks my heart each time and it doesnt help when i have an over paranoid mum and a dad who is jus the other way extreme. its jus not fair. n yes i know life is not fair. i can very well accept that but not when its tt way to the one person i care the most abt. i tink this is probably a side of me tt most ppl never know or see, but really i couldn care less and while im at it, how about i take this chance to say this to whoever the cap fits. cos if it fits wear it! to certain ppl in sch, it okie to continue the way you have been acting with all the ignoring crap cos honestly i couldn care any less, cos well i hav a clear consience n i know i didn do anything so wrong to deserve this sorta treatment. besides its sooo secondary sch-ish like grow up already. i have already asked u if u have a problem with me or if i may have done anything wrong unintentionally, so if u cant even b decent enough to give me a reply n carry on the way you n the rest are then be my guest. cos seriously i have more things to get affected by the insignificane you embody. ive held my peace for long, but like i said im on da edge now so yea, whatever!

gosh that was such an angsty post. but yea, its gd to finally get it off my chest, tho it doesnt change anything or the fact that God somehow doesnt seem to deal the cards out fair and it is annoying and infuriating. im getting soooooo sick of it all really. ive learnt to overcome many things, setbacks n just be numb or immune to it, but i dont think i will ever be immune or numb when it concerns my sister.


Posted by shellsofsilence at 7:57 PM