Sunday, September 24, 2006

POST PRELIM FIASCO PART 3

oh well...yest reka and i went shoppin around nearly the whole of town. we decided to skip orchard n cine since we both had been there 4 the past 2 days or so..so we decided to got to city hall...thru city link to raffles place...to bugis, bugis street and much more..and i didnt spend a single cent on myself! yay! cos reka wanted to buy an outfit for appa's convocation which is like tomolo...so yea she paid for her hot top and skirt so i had to sponsor her shoes la..but its okie la..wad else are sister's for? plus she wanted this jack skellington handbag thingy although i really dont know what's her long lasting obsession with mr skellington..lol anyway, after shoppin so much and me not buyin a single thing for myself..which im very glad off..we got home and i made pasta! we decided to eat home to save money..haha...i tink tt stemmed from the guilt of buyin too much stuff..but its okie la its like once in a while only...ohh yes we had wine too..haha my dad's friend had given him wine so we decided to have it. and honestly, wine with pasta and cheese anytime anyday, makes you feel good. like ur leading the hi-life temporarily. nvm someday, ill actually be able to afford it all..muahhahhaha though for now that just seems like a high expectation, not materialising anytime soon..

oh yes, i realised sth yest on a personal level. i realised how very insecure i was last year. i was insecure about so many things though my friends say i didnt quite show it. but now i feel different, a tad but more secure. i tink insecurity and self doubt are my inner demons. i need to overcome them. but looking back on last year and even early this year, i feel soooo much more secure and fulfilled then i started off. and im glad for the change. i believe that there is probably more than 1 contributing factor to this.. but i dont really care what it is..just as long as i dont loose this sense of self believe, security and self satisfaction. i felt it slip away alittle yesterday and today even, but i shant let wad has happened affect my this. i dont really want to be the person i was last year..not that i was mean, putting up a sharade or anything, its just tt i realised a part of me, within me always made me feel dumb, insecure and incomplete last year, and i realised no one can make u feel that way except yourself. so yes, im sure as hell not gonna let this feeling fade. things all happen for a reason. the cosmic balance ultimately wants you to succeed..or so people claim. i choose to belive so..with the addition that it is u urself who ultimately is the pilot of your own life...


Posted by shellsofsilence at 2:40 PM