Thursday, February 22, 2007

If I....

if i were to be thankful..there would be many things i would be thankful for...a family that is there, friends who care, a job as a great temporary distraction and mask for uncertainty, a life i can say has been worth living for thus far, relationships that despite not working out i am still thankful for...ahhh the irony of it all is that you only realise your thankful when your deep down under and thats your only saving grace...to look back and say ur thankful for the life you have and the life you hav lead thus far...

i know not what is going to happen next. my life seems to progress in phases. it opens and it closes. i believe i am the closin stage of one and hence the melancholy desires. i want so much more but as life has taught me the more i want the less ill get..so now i can only hope and pray that perhaps GOD can help me or grant me some lea way in the followin..

1. for the dear st pats boys of 2T2 n 3N2 to clear their english exam tomolo and clear it well...
2. for the all of 2N1 2N2 n 2E5 boys to clear lit even tho i think its a tough paper..
3. for reka's toe to be CURRREEEDD for like FOREVER!
4. for her diabetes to vanish. i dun care how jus vanish. DISAPPEAR...POOF! GOOONEEE!!
5. for me to have the strength to accept whatever outcome and whatever else lies ahead.
6. for me to be a stronger person to face each day with a new sense of spunk..
7. for him to find someone SOOO much n WAAAYYy better than me...cos im sure he can..im undeserving
8.for my life to stop being a roller-coaster ride...but then again where's the fun of living in tt i guess...so maybe to just have the guts to stomach it n face it head-on
9. for my parents to reconcile their hopelessly damaged beyond repair relationship so that at least in old age they can have companionship...for my dad to leave that BITCH of a woman whom he probably never will...but at least for my parents to have companionship in old age..
10. for me to finally run, seek solace and fade into total and complete blissful oblivion in your arms! damnit..
11. for me to have MORE patience to deal with the unreasonable demands of people.
12. for me to stop questioning and physco analysing some people and just accept that sometimes that's jus the way people are.
13. for me to realise and accept the idea that things will and SHALL play out for the best accordingly to the grand design of things.
14. for me to meet someone soooo whacked out n crazzy n irrational as me where spontaneity n fun go hand in hand with rational thoughts...(tho expecting such a combi aint very sane or rational at all)...haha wadeva im weird..
15. for me to get angry convincingly so the boys at school will listen to me..lol i cant seem to do this very well..cos aft pretending to get angry i always smile or laugh...its weird i know..but it seems testosterone driven boys only respond well to anger threats or scoldin in school...now YYY?? i will nv know..but please cant they jus listen? so tt i dun feel so much of a faliure as a teacher at the end of the day...haha oh well...its hard for me to get angry at any1...n even in the rare times i do i jus go completely silent..cos i feel there is nothing more worth sayin...but well tt backfires in class u noe cos then u completely go non-exsistant..=P

okie the last 2 sounded lame...it sounds emo, but im not. im just in a complacent yet strangely thankful mood cos honestly i am thankful. and grateful beyond words. but im jus waiting for this chapter to end so that a new spark appears again. do all endings gotta be so melancholy?

the path of least resistance is a path hard ridden. yet tt is all i desire. like i said to simply fade away into complete and blissful oblivion....



Posted by shellsofsilence at 5:59 PM